OT: You Might Be A Redneck If...

[JackConrad]

You're a redneck if:
   You let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table...In Front Of Her Children
   The Blue Book value of your truck varies depending on how much gas is in it
   Your Junior Prom offered day care
   You have been married 3 times...An have the same in-laws
   You have to go outside to get something out of the Fridge
   You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
   You think the last words to Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, Start Your Engines"
   You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia Leader
   A family member died after saying "Hey, Ya'll Hold My Beer and Watch This"
   You lit a match in your bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels
   You can't marry your sweetheart because there is a law against it
   You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean
   One of your kids was born on a pool table
   You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night
   You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos
   Your Halloween Pumpkin has more teeth than you do

[maria-n-skip]

In the same vain.......

   You might be a farmer if:

   Your tractor is larger than your house.
   Half your assets are in the pickups that haven't been started since grandpa was alive.
   You use your swather to mow your lawn.
   Your tractor doubles as day care for your kids while you plow.
   Your pickup is louder and more powerful than a 747 taking off.
    Your well can handle one faucet on at a time.

And the list goes on

Skip

[TomC]

Being from Los Angeles and our wonderful drug problems (actually drugs are everywhere-whether you know it or not). 
You might be a redneck if when everyone starts talking about Crack you pull up your pants.  Good Luck, TomC

[Songman]

I might be a redneck it...

Well, nevermind. I don't think there is any question. I am definitely a redneck! 

For my 35th birthday, Jeff Foxworthy send me a note that said "If you were born in GA on November 9th, you might be a redneck!"

[DrivingMissLazy]

I know I are, and I really think BK are one also. LOL
Richard

[FloridaCliff]

You might be a Redneck if:

You have even entertained the thought of putting a mini go Kart track in your back pasture,

and it was mainly for you, not the kids!

Cliff

[DrivingMissLazy]

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear."


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[Ncbob]

Living here in 'Redneck' country I learned early on that the definition of a virgin, in the mountains, is a 12 year old girl who can run faster than her 14 year old brother.

Oh, that was baaaaad!  Shame on you Bob!

Bob

[Hartley]

You might be a redneck if your idea of home is this....

A hookup for your bus, a tractor that cost 2 times what your bus cost
and you live here.....

[kyle4501]

Dave, u ain't a redneck 'cause of that. u'r a redneck cause u'r bragging about it       

[Jerry Liebler]

Only a redneck could host a NON rally for busnuts at an Airstream park.
Regards
Jerry 4107 1120

[Dallas]

You might be a redneck if your idea of home is this....

A hookup for your bus, a tractor that cost 2 times what your bus cost
and you live here.....

But I don't see the "Redman" chewin' tabacker sign painted on the barn!

[Busted Knuckle]

I know I are, and I really think BK are one also. LOL
Richard

My "CB Handle" aint "HICKABILLY" fer nut'n!

[kyle4501]

Only a redneck could host a NON rally for busnuts at an Airstream park.
Regards
Jerry 4107 1120

Who said rednecks couldn't appreciate a good thing when they saw it? 

'Sides, I is a Airstream club member now. Got me one of them fancy red numbers to put on the silver bullet & everything. Them airstreamers don't know what they have done. . . . yet 

So Jerry, are you gonna be there?

[chris4905]

I think I now is a redneck.

Two true stories.

1)  One Christmas I got my wife a new Stihl chainsaw.  The scary part.......it's what she asked for.

2)  Just yesterday I gave my wife her anniversary present.  A new deer rifle with scope.  Again scary, she's excited about it.

But then again, WE ARE in Idaho.  (.....and loving it !!!)  Ex-Californians and never going back !!!!

Chris & Cheryl Christensen