Lost my Sweet Sweet wife , Toby.. 22 years of wedded Bliss !

[superpickle]

A trans script of Posts and Emails...



Im sending this to everybody so im sorry if it is a little Impersonal.





In case you hadnt heard. Toby is in the Hospital. Her heart rate wont
go below 160 so they addmitted her last Tuesday.. She was in ICU till
Friday then she was moved to a Regular wing.

Up and Down all week.






07/08/07





Early this morning Toby was Much worse again..
Heart rate 160+.. +
Meds not doing it.. Dr. comes in and askes "What do we feel about
Intabation"?( ie Breathing Machine)  As in, the Last thing we can do.. We have a Firm resolve
on that
"NO" we said, Toby does NOT want life on a machine.. I agreed..

I felt as though my heart had been ripped out .
I had to deal with the fact that they can do NO More for her..
I know her Heart cant beat for long like that...

I wanted to cry in the worst way, but Sweety cant do that it will make
things worse..



Toby looked at me and said "You need to take care of yourself.."

She was worried about Me.

My God, I am married to the most incredible woman on earth..
She is Fighting for Every Breath, and she is Worried about me..


Sunday


They moved her Back to ICU by 0930 and got her setup there.
I was buy her side holding her hand and praying as I have Nevr prayed
befor. Toby was trying to rest as much as possible..

Her Old Heart Dr. walked in on the middle of my prayer and said, "I
just got off the phone with the New Mexico Heart Institute They have a
Procedure they can do through a Vain in her leg with a wire and
Whatever.. To Reset her heart to beat normaly. We will FLY her up there
this afternoon and she will be back in 4 or 5 days. This should get
things back to where she was a Year ot Two ago because the Heart
trouble has been the underlying cause of most of her troubles of late"




I thought i would Faint or Pee myself. They came and took her to the
Airport about 1500 / 3:00 pm. and off to Albuquerque .
Im driveing up in the morning to be with her..

I would rather go Back to Viet Nam and face Bullets, than have to deal
with all this stuff.

If someone said "Hey, we can fix Toby, But you have to Go to IRAQ and
get shot at for a couple years.. I'd be on the Plain in a heartbeat..

Hopefuly this will be a Fix to give her enough time for the Heart Lung
transplant stuff to be done..

I will try to keep you posted ASAP.

Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts..



Paul......


Monday 09 07

Our daughter drove 14 hours from Arkansas to be with us..

Tobys still on the breathing machine and cant talk..



Thursday July 12th.

Im goint to send this as a Generic E Mail..Sorry..


Our Sweet Sweet toby is Gone.  We lost her Thurasday afternoon about 4 pm.
She was Flowen to Albequerque to Heart Hospital of New Mexico, where the did
an Ablation to fix her heart on Monday morning. They DID have to Intibate
her so they could keep her Breathing.
Her heart was A OK, but the rest of her had Way to much damage from years of
Meds for her COPD.  The small spot in the Vain in her thigh where they
passed an Elactrode for the correction of her Heart, would NOT close. It
bled into her leg for 2 days and left her to low on blood and her Kidnys
shut down.. It was her wish NOT to be kept alive on a machine and That was
the only thing keeping her breathing going..
She had lived Far longer than any Dr. ever expected her to, She was told
when she was 17, that she would never see 30.  Toby was 58. Our 22nd
annaversary will be on the 27th of this month.  They were 22 Fabulous years
to be sure.
I nevr saw a person that met her , that Didnt like her. She was Kinder,
Gentler, More Loveing than any person ive Ever knowen.. The Void in this
world will stay for a very long time. The evening befor she passed, She was
trying to tell our daughter something. We went through the Alphabet letter
by letter till we hit the letter she wanted, then she would squeez my hand..
we got H.....e....a....t...h.. Heather asked, "Is it HEATHER"?  Toby nodded
YES.
S..... L.....E  .......E........P. "You want me to get some sleep" Heather
asked. Toby nodded..
In her condition, she was worried about someone else...
Just the kind of person she had Always been..
We will miss her beyond words..
Paul...

Memorial is
Saterday 21st. July.
10 am.
Hamilton O'dell Funeral Home
1334 North Scenic  Drive
Alamogordo NM. 88310
Flowers would be Very nice..





I even got a card from  Portchugal  (spelling)  he heard about toby somehow ??
It is nice that Soo many people sent emails and phoned me..

Some people in this world make it Soo easy to love them, and Toby was one !
I loved her Maddly when we got married and it only Grew as time went by..
as the old song went, "You dont know what youve got till its Gone"
I am amazed at how Hoplessly and Helplessly I was In Love with this woman.. I feel
as if I have lost 80 to 90 % of my being , and I cannot see how I could possibly be Whole again !


Thank you for being such a good friend..
I hope to be getting out to see some of those that Toby loved and Never met, there are Many !
So perhaps in the future we can meet and hug and remember her.

Please take care.
Paul...

WOW, the flowers were Absolutly Beautiful..

Thank you Sooo much..
There were about 90 people there and 16 flower arangements..

A very nice talk and I said a few words about our life together as well..
Plenty of GOOD food after.. I have a TON in my fridg   .

I told about the First time i ever saw her. I was at the Kingdom hall and heard this gergley laughter , It was a happy melodic laugh. I turned to see this tall slender Redhead comeing through the door. Wish i could say it was Love at first site, it wasnt. I didnt like skinny girls...
But, this woman absolutly captivated my heart over the next 3 years..
When i finaly relized I was Hoplessly, Helplessly  In Love,I found out, She was too..
It was a Wonderful courtship and as we grew to know each other, we grew deeper in love..

I hope that ALL of you will take the time to cultivate your love for your Sweety as we did. It was a Love that tought me the meaning of the word..

We never passed eachother without a touch, a kiss, an I Love You...
We couldnt Say it enough, Hear it enough, Give it enough !


Toby was above all things, my Best friend.. and That is where you start.


Im not sure when, but I may sell this place and Buy a Converted Bus. My bus needs lots m,ore than Im going to put into it. So I will sell it.   Im planning on going to visit You, and other  in Washington. Also folks in Idaho, Montana, Nevada, California and Arizona, then to Heathers in Arkansas.  I will give you plenty of notice in case you want it to look like Nobodys home  hehehehe


I dont know Who ive sent this to, so please Pass it on. Thanks:



Paul... aka Superpickle..

[Jerry32]

Paul, I am sorry for your loss. There is nothing anybody can say to make things better but time will heal. Sorry to hear you are going to selll the bus.
My wife of 42 years passed away 6 years ago and I went through the loss so know where youare at Jerry

[Hi yo silver]

Superpickle,
Please find some little bit of comfort in knowing that your busnut friends are sending you thoughts, prayers, and hugs.  As a longtime friend of mine said regarding the loss of his dad, "You never get used to it, but you learn to live with your loss."  Thank you for sharing during your time of grief.
Dennis

[maria-n-skip]

Superpickle,

  I am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling. My sincere condolences.

  If your bus has a special place in your heart and memories you and yours shared please know
If you make it up to MT. you can of coarse stay here and I would be more than willing to
help you with your bus. It is a small offering but I would be proud to help.


Skip

[Chaz]

My heart is saddened for your loss. But as you said, she wants you to take care of you now. Please do your best to do as she wished. She will be with and around you. And it will make her happy for you to do so.

  Take care of yourself.
       
   Just another Busnut,
        Chaz

[Dreamscape]

Paul, I am so sorry to hear of your great loss. No words will ever express what it all means. Keep in touch with friends and family as the days go by. I hope you think of us as part of a bigger family that is willing to offer prayers and condolances to you as you move through life. I was thinking of you the other day and wondering why we had not heard from you, now my heart is sad to know why.

God Bless,

Becky and Paul

[Nick Badame Refrig/ACC]

Sorry for your loss Paul.

Toby sounded like a one of a kind....

Keep her very colse to your heart and be Proud of what she has accomplished and the hearts that she toutched..

I'm sure she would want you to continue with the bus.

Reguards
Nick-

[FloridaCliff]

Paul,

Very Sorry to hear about the loss of Toby.

She sure sounded like one Special Lady!

Take care,

Cliff

[edvanland]

Paul:
I am very sorry for your loss.  I know what you are going through.  My wife of 40 years left this old earth 3 years ago. As your wife, she was more worried about me than her.  Time does not heal but it does deaden the pain.  She passed away in Arizona and wanted to be buried in California, so since she was a bus nut she rode in the baggage bay of the bus to the cemetery in California all the way to the grave site.  Boy did that raise some eyebrows.
Take care of yourself and remember she wanted you to take care of yourself.
My most since condolences.
ED
MCI 7

[Hi yo silver]

I've already told my wife to scatter my ashes from a bus breezin' down the road!
Dennis

[kyle4501]

So sorry for your loss.

I can't fathom life without my Nancy. We've been married 19 years this year & I remember our first date oh so clearly. WOW how time flies.

[Connel]

Paul,

Toby will always live in your heart.

Take care of yourself.

Semper Fe

Connel

[plyonsMC9]

Paul, so very sorry to hear of your loss.  What a blessing she was.  And you were married to her.  My heart and prayers go out to you.  Thank you for sharing with us. 

Kindest Regards, Phil

[John Z]

Paul,

Thank you for sharing this with us. Remember to keep all those wonderful memories close. My most sincere condolances.

John Z

[HighTechRedneck]

Paul, our prayers are with you in your loss.  I know that right now feels like you will never have a good day again.  But time helps and you will have good days again and Toby will always be in your heart and mind sharing them with you.