Lost my Sweet Sweet wife , Toby.. 22 years of wedded Bliss !

[Barn Owl]

Paul,

So very, very sorry to hear about your loss. May God bless you with comfort.

Laryn

[coolbus]

She is resting, Paul. Asleep in death. When she wakes up in the resurection, you will be together again. Keep the faith, Brother. She is in Gods memory, and will awaken in Paradise. Please know my prayers are with you & your family in this time of need.

Revelation 21:3,4

Mark

[brojcol]

Robert Frost wrote:

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Only time can heal your broken heart, but you and your family are in my prayers.  I do hope you will reconsider keeping your bus...  It may be a tonic for those lonely times to come.

I know a lot of people say this, but please let me know if I can help in any way.  I really mean it.

Jimmy

[superpickle]

Robert Frost wrote:

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Only time can heal your broken heart, but you and your family are in my prayers.  I do hope you will reconsider keeping your bus...  It may be a tonic for those lonely times to come.

I know a lot of people say this, but please let me know if I can help in any way.  I really mean it.

Jimmy

Thank you Jimmy. I appriciat the thoughts on the bus, But, I plan on Selling the Ranch and getting a Full Blowen Converted Bus / RV to live and travel in.. My sweetys health prevented us from going Full time RV, So now i will do it for her..

My Toad will be a 2001 Volvo V70. so i can get around when  in Port 

Its been 11 days and my world still looks and feels like Hiroshima after the bomb.
Toby was the Brains of this outfit and I am completly lost without her. 
Ive been trying to deal with her things, but i feel as though I am Dismanteling her Life and Throwing it or Giveing it away..

The pain is less, but the Emptyness is worse.
Realestate lady comes tomarrow..

Paul...

.

[Dallas]

Paul,

My heart goes out to you and yours.
I may not know the pain of the loss that you are going through, but believe me when I tell you that your family is here for you should you need anything.


Dallas

[Ncbob]

Please accept our most sincere condolences on your loss.   The weight of this tragedy will walk with you for a while but the years of joy will lighten the load.

Jackie & Bob

[JohnEd]

Super,

Please accept our condolences for your loss.  How lucky you are to have had 22 years with your soulmate.  So many never even find theirs.

John and Carolee

[Green-Hornet]

My heart goes out to you. Thanks for sharing the story of your tragic loss. It helps to remind me to be just a lil nicer to my loved ones. I don't always take the time to tell them how much I love them, but I will now. Sounds like she was one special partner. Don't worry, she will always be with you. God Bless.

[NewbeeMC9]

I'm so saddened by your loss and hope you can take time for yourself to get thru this as you need to and she would have wanted you to.    Our prayers are with you both.

[Christyhicks]

I've been out of touch quite a bit over the last couple of months, so I thought I'd drop in and see what was happening.  I was so sorry to read your posts on losing your wife. . .your deep and abiding love, and your pain came through so strongly.  I wish there was something we could do to ease your pain and loss, but I want you to know that what was more powerful than your deep sorrow, was the huge love you had for your wife.  Every statement, everything you said, was clearly tinged with fear and loss, but they all also were wrapped with love.

You are truly a lucky man to have such love in your life, and an unlucky man to have to go on without her.  You do need time, lots of time, and gradually, it will get a bit easier, but you will never lose that love and let that great love you guys had for each other give you comfort when we  can't think of a thing to say to you to help you. 

You are just another example of what has struck me as an amazing thing. . .busnuts LOVE their spouses. . .LIKE CRAZY!  I've never seen such a great group of guys (yes, I'm talking to all you guys). . .I've never seen such a group of guys who are nuts about their wives.  I guess it's part of this crazy busnut disease!

Paul, please, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and know that there is a wonderful group of people out here that have either been through what is happening to you, or fear going through it some day.  They are all pulling for you and wish you only the best.  Please accept our late but sincere condolences and we truly are sorry for your loss.  Christy & Larry Hicks

[superpickle]

Thanks Christy & Larry..
My Sweety was One in a Billion.  She had to be to put up with me for so many years befor "PROZAC"  Thank Gawwwd for Prozac.. My life is Still a shambles and i dont feel motivated to do a dam thing. I dont know which faze im in, ie. Denial, Anger, Confusion, Resentment and just plain Lost.. I think they are ALL here together.. I am still amazed at the amount of Strength i got from her.. and how terrably devistated my life has become. 
I dont want visits, yet, some really make me feel better when they do.. and others like a lady that came yesterday, just wanted to talk about ALL her DEAD relatives... I was going to THROW her out when she decided it was time to go.. I hope it was because she sensed I was VERY upset..
When we loose someone That precious we want Nothing less than for the Whole World to take note and pause at the Passing. But it just isn't that impotent to the rest of the world. 
Like Bogie said in Casablanca, "The problems of a couple of people, Dont amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world ".

I like to think Toby was worth Much much more than that.. certainly to those who knew her, she was..
Im sorry if im Babbling and sounding so pathetic.. It really does help to express how i feel..
Thanks.. Paul.....

I've been out of touch quite a bit over the last couple of months, so I thought I'd drop in and see what was happening.  I was so sorry to read your posts on losing your wife. . .your deep and abiding love, and your pain came through so strongly.  I wish there was something we could do to ease your pain and loss, but I want you to know that what was more powerful than your deep sorrow, was the huge love you had for your wife.  Every statement, everything you said, was clearly tinged with fear and loss, but they all also were wrapped with love.

You are truly a lucky man to have such love in your life, and an unlucky man to have to go on without her.  You do need time, lots of time, and gradually, it will get a bit easier, but you will never lose that love and let that great love you guys had for each other give you comfort when we  can't think of a thing to say to you to help you. 

You are just another example of what has struck me as an amazing thing. . .busnuts LOVE their spouses. . .LIKE CRAZY!  I've never seen such a great group of guys (yes, I'm talking to all you guys). . .I've never seen such a group of guys who are nuts about their wives.  I guess it's part of this crazy busnut disease!

Paul, please, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and know that there is a wonderful group of people out here that have either been through what is happening to you, or fear going through it some day.  They are all pulling for you and wish you only the best.  Please accept our late but sincere condolences and we truly are sorry for your loss.  Christy & Larry Hicks

[Christyhicks]

You know, I think that IS what we all want. . . it's hard to believe that when your world stops, the rest of the world keeps rolling along.  How can it be that people still get in the cars and drive off to work every morning, people go out to eat, they go to the movies. . .they just seem to go on as if the world is normal, yet, for you, it will never be "normal" again.  Your life will never be "normal" again. . at least, not the normal you were used to.  It will always be different, from now on, and eventually, it will get better, it will get easier, and your emotions will settle down. 

Understand that your anger is not really directed at others, it may feel like it, but truly, it is just your natural anger at what has happened to you.  Toby is fine, it's YOU that's hurting, and you will feel so much anger and frustration at times, but again, I assure you, over time you'll learn to live again.  Don't rush yourself and don't let others rush you. 

Lest you think that people don't notice, or they don't care, or they don't understand. . .no, some don't really understand. . .not till they've gone through a loss such as this, but really, they do care.  That lady just didn't know what to say, she wanted to comfort you, but she didn't know how to do it.  Sometimes, people feel that if they point out to you that others have gone through what you have, it will somehow help you, but what they don't realize is no one has gone through what you are feeling.  No one in the world could love Toby the way you do, and no one could possibly feel her loss like you do. 

Only true love can bring such pain, and you are damn lucky you had such love in your life. . .even for the pain it now causes you, can you just IMAGINE what life would have been like had she not been a part of yours.  Those who have never really connected with someone. . . they don't understand the concept of "soul mates", they just think it's a cute saying. . . a way to describe new love or a great relationship, but they don't really get it.  Only someone who has found the one person in the world who can reach down and touch their core, really understands, and something tells me you know exactly what I'm talking about. 

I'll guarantee you that from the way you described her, Toby was so important to so many people, and there are lots of people who do pause at their thoughts of her, even if they don't tell you so.  I promise you. . .she will pop into their minds every once in awhile, take my word on this.  The world will keep moving, and life will go on, but she is not and will not be forgotten by those who knew and loved her.  That I can say without a doubt.

Please, hang in there, keep writing, even when you feel the worst, because there are a lot of people here than are glad to be there for you if you need them.  Christy Hicks

[Dreamscape]

Paul, Grieving is a process, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Whatever feelings you have, anger, resentment, loss of faith and complete sadness, let it happen. Don't hold back your feelings, let them flow naturally. Explaining your feelings on this board will help you sort things out, that's OK, it's not rambling. Just don't hold in your feelings or become recluse, that is the worst thing to do. Unfortunatley most men are not good at sharing feelings, they think that is being a sissy, not true. It takes a strong man to cry, strength comes from tears. Whatever you do, listen to your heart, you can't go wrong. Hang in there my friend, life will become bearable as days and months go by. Sometimes change is good, traveling, selling your property and getting a new/used coach will be a big help. You can't run away from it as life will travel with you wherever you go. Just make lemonade from lemons.
If you head west from where you are, please stop in Abilene TX. Would be great to meet you. Give us a call 325-660-4635.

Paul