OT:Redneck joke, posted by a proud redneck southern gal

[bubbaqgal]

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"



The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.



The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the Waitress for a cup of hot tea.



He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"



The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."



The third patron to come into the restaurant was a  Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang.  How's about getting me a cold glass of Coke! !"



He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"



The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said To give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "On my tab." As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."



The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.



Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."



The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.



Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck.



The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't! Touch me...I'm drawin' disability."

[Ncbob]

Great story, Cat....and oh sooo true!

NCbob

[akbusguy2000]

In 1952, Hermann James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued
him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On
his second day, the Army issued Hermann a toothbrush. That afternoon the
Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army
issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Hermann for 55
years

[HighTechRedneck]

Red-Neck Valentine

Collards is green

my dog's name is Blue

and I'm so lucky to have

a sweet thang like you.



Yore hair is like cornsilk

a-flapping in the breeze

Softer than Blue's

and without all them fleas.



You move like the bass,

which excite me in May.

You ain't got no scales

but I luv you anyway.



Yo're as satisfy'n as okry

jist a-fry'n in the pan.

Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"

right out of the can.



You have som'a yore teeth,

for which I am proud;

I hold my head high

when we're in a crowd.



On special occasions,

when you shave under yore arms,

well, I'm in hawg heaven,

and awed by yore charms.



Still them fellers at work,

they all want to know,

what I did to deserve

such a purdy, young doe.



Like a good roll of duct tape

yo're there fer yore man,

to patch up life's troubles

and fix what you can.



Yo're as cute as a junebug

a-buzzin' overhead.

You ain't mean like those far ants

I found in my bed.



Cut from the best cloth

like a plaid flannel shirt,

you spark up my life

more than a fresh load of dirt.



When you hold me real tight

like a padded gunrack,

my life is complete;

Ain't nuttin' I lack.



Yore complexion, it's perfection,

like the best vinyl sidin'.

despite all the years,

yore age, it keeps hidin'.



Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie

with a RC cold drank,

we go together

like a skunk goes with stank.



Some men, they buy chocolate

for Valentine's Day;

They git it at Wal-Mart,

it's romantic that way.



Some men git roses

on that special day

from the cooler at Kroger.

"That's impressive," I say.



Some men buy fine diamonds

from a flea market booth.

"Diamonds are forever,"

they explain, suave and couth.



But for this man, honey, these won't do.

Cause yo're too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,

more useful than diamonds...

IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!

[bubbaqgal]

Gee Thanks High Tech......You just had to give Dallas ideas of what to get me didn't ya?!!!???
I'm sure it won't be a trolling motor but I betcha it will be some type of bus part.  Cat

[Busted Knuckle]

Gee Thanks High Tech......You just had to give Dallas ideas of what to get me didn't ya?!!!???
I'm sure it won't be a trolling motor but I betcha it will be some type of bus part.  Cat

Cat just goes to show ya he loves ya as much as the bus! After all if he gives ya bus parts, yer part owner! LOL!
BK