Joke of the week #7

[Nick Badame Refrig/ACC]

Number 11

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.

What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... God, I miss him!

"But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!

[Nick Badame Refrig/ACC]

Sorry for the early post.

Usually on Monday but, will be busy.

[Bosshosssport96]

Heres another one Nick


                  FEMALE PRAYER


   Before I lay me down to sleep,


   I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

   One who's handsome, smart and strong
   One who loves to listen long,
   One who thinks before he speaks,
   One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

   I pray he's gainfully employed,
   When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
   Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
   Massages my back and begs to do more.
   Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
   Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
   I pray that this man will love me to no end,
   And always be my very best friend.
                                    Amen.




                   MALE PRAYER

   I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor
store and a fishing boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh***t.
                                   Amen.

[edvanland]

thanks for the laughs. 
ED
MCI 7

[kyle4501]

The definition of success depends on who you are:

A successfull man is one who has more or can earn more $$$ than a woman can spend.

A successfull woman has found such a man.     

[Ncbob]

"I have found the perfect woman
who could ask for more....

She's deaf, and dumb and oversexed
And owns a liquor store."

Author anonymous..but happy!

Bob

[Bosshosssport96]

Another one to add


Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !


       How many men does it take to open a beer?
       None. It should be opened when she brings it
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
       Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
       Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
       probably never be able to support you.
       --------------------------------------------------------------------
       Why do women have smaller feet than men?
       It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
       them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
       How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
       When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

       How do you fix a womans watch-
       You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
       Why do men fart more than women?
       Because women can't shut up long enough to
       build up the required pressure.
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
       If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
       the front door, who do you let in first?
       The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
       What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
       A woman who won't do what she's told
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
       I married a Miss Right.
      I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
       Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
       a woman's sex drive by 90%.
       It's called a Wedding Cake.
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
      Why do men die before their wives?
       They want to.
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
      Women will never be equal to men until they can
       walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
       gut, and still think they are sexy.
       -------------------------------------------------------------------
      In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
       Then God created Man and rested.
      Then God created Woman.
       Since then, neither God nor Man has rested

[Ncbob]

OOOOOOh Nick! Something tells me you're going to pay for this bit of humor....but it is  funny!

Bob