JOKE of the WEEK.......OK.... Here's my contribution

[Dave Siegel]

        Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under
a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now
and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do
you feel?"
        Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
        "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
        "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

[Frank @ TX]

Thank you !!!!!!!
That was great.
Frank

[Dave Siegel]

OK, OK since I just got a new hearing aid, I share this guy's frustration

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
        "Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
        "Twelve thirty."


Dave Siegel

[grantgoold]

This is just what I was hoping for! 

Thanks for the clean and funny stuff!


Grant

[JackConrad]

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
        "Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
        "Twelve thirty."

Hey!, i resemble that remark!  Jack

[DrivingMissLazy]

 Why Parents Drink

Father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was
addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But
I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy
said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has
a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having
many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other
people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will
pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She
deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John


P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.

[Ncbob]

A young man went off to college, his first separation from his parents, and got caught up in the campus life.
While he spent a reasonable amount of time at his studies he spent a bit more time at partying and soon ran out of money.  He drafted this quickie note to his Dad:

Dear Dad,

No mon, no fun.

Your son

So his Dad agreeing that simplicity was the order of the day wrote back:

Too bad, soo sad.

Your Dad


Bob