APE HANGERS AND FAST CHARGING BAGGERS.

[Lin]

Here's some support for my theory:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/09/08/rather-be-in-jail-70-year-old-man-robs-bank-to-get-arrested-and-away-from-wife-police-say/

[oltrunt]

Turning 70 was a great day in my life.  Here in sunny Ca. once you reach the age of 70 you are no longer required to serve on jury duty!  Not that any self respecting lawyer would accept a retired cop on his jury anyway, the County dutifully sent me a summons at least once a year and I'd waste a day waiting to be excused.  The only time I was selected involved a case where the defendant had sicked his pit bull on an officer.  When the judge asked the prospective jury if they felt any bias towards the defendant I raised my hand--you see, I'd had the same exact experience with the scar and the weirdly shaped lump in my hand to prove it.  The judge couldn't wait to throw me off the jury thereby maintaining my perfect non jury record.  Ha!
Jack

[boxcarOkie]

The great thing about growing old is you just don't have to care anymore, at least that is, "if'n you don't want to" and most of the time, that is the way I feel about it.  You never answered my question Jack, how is the prison bus coming along?

Well, I look at the clock on the wall and it is once again, time to increase my nuisance value.

Charlie and his wife Lois (everyone who knows her always call her Giggles) are riding their recently purchased Harley.   Every now and then, the jacket that Giggles is wearing flies open in the wind.  This of course, does not make her day, she is not a happy camper. 

Charlie on the other hand, is doing well, and looking rather stylish in his brand new hankie headgear and recently acquired ear-ring he found at a curio stop outside Franklin, Tennessee.
 
He is most likely the most stylish assistant manager of all the Dollar Stores in the entire Volunteer State.  Dressing for success and riding the ultimate Freedom Machine of the American Highway is a totally new concept, but he embraces it with complete abandon. 

Needing fuel, they stop at a Quick Pick just outside of town and it is here that Charlie suggests that Lois reverse the jacket and put the zipper in back.  His argument is that it will keep the wind to a minimum and at the same time solve her zipper problem.

She agrees to this because at this time she is more or less frustrated with all of it, and buying a motorcycle was not her idea of fun.  This outing comes under that very heading.

Not much fun.
 
If the TRUTH be known, she would much rather be sitting comfortably at home watching Dancing With The Stars or figuring out which unmarried-twenty-something-cry-baby will get the rose and the secret night in the thatch-covered cabin on the beach (We will save the Safe-Sex lecture for another time).

Meanwhile, tucked over in the corner of the lot, right next to the almost obsolete payphones, sits an ambulance.  Van and Willie are working the afternoon shift for the local emergency service. 

Van is more than satisfied with his present station in life, he likes being an EMT.  He often feels as if it were truly his calling in life.   

Willie on the other hand, does  not share this particular passion, and he slinks in his seat, eating his Clark bar and wondering if it is too late to sign up for the truck driving seminar at the local junior college.

Charlie and Lois, now all fueled up, mount their heavily financed chrome plated steed and roar out of the Quick Pick in a cloud of smoke and dust.  The noise is deafening, after all, we all know that no self righteous Scooter Rat would ride a machine with a muffler attached in any way, shape or manner.

Two miles down the road, they collide with a mini-bus load of elderly people headed to the annual Quaker Quilting Festival just outside of Nashville.  This is the exact spot where fun and reality chose to collide, as Giggles would describe it to her girlfriends or her teenage server at the I-Hop later on.

The radio in the ambulance crackles and comes to life, time for action! 

Van and Willie are suddenly called into service; they leave out with lights and siren flashing.  Down the road they rush to the injured couple. 

Arriving on scene in a matter of minutes.  We find them setting up and accessing the situation.  Van walks over to Willie who is working feverishly on Lois. Willie hearing footsteps looks up briefly and inquires of Van … “How is yours?”

Van replies, “Not bad, broken leg, cuts and scratches.  I think he might have lost an Ear-Ring.  What is going on with her?”

Willie again looks up and replies, “You got the easy one.  This poor gal’s head was completely turned all the way around; I almost never got it straightened out the way it is supposed to be.”

“You want answers?”
“I want the TRUTH!”
“You can’t handle the truth!” 
“We live in a world with walls, walls that have to be guarded, who’s going to do that?  You Clifford?  You Van Hagan?  You weep for Santiago, but you curse BoxcarOkie “ ….. 

Naw, they would never buy this, not in a million years.

Watch those Right Handers.
BCO

This post was for entertainment purposes only and no actual bikers were injured during the process of MAKING ALL OF THIS UP and should not be construed under any circumstance as actual fact.

[digesterman]

Yes...speaking "as smart as one must be" that mop flops in both directions.....

Okie knows what flame fest may ensue.
I cannot fathom that he does anything without clear calculation and comprehension of the outcome.
Not my cup of tea.Nor a way that i would seek my jollies.
To each his own, reap what you sow etc.
PS just because.

If Don isn't your cup of tea just ignore him,,,,, the very fact that you're commenting on this thread indicates that you are not ignoring him contrary to what you think/say.

The world and America is upside down in trouble right now, if we can't enjoy some humor occasionally then maybe we are part of the overall problem in society, lighten up, Don is a great guy and I'd like to consider him a friend, his writings have always been entertaining to me.

Did you get your porch project completed Don?

[Oonrahnjay]

...  This poor gal's head was completely turned all the way around; I almost never got it straightened out the way it is supposed to be." ....

   One of the best ones ... as good now as it was on Brother Dave Gardner's (Boston's best Southern comedian) 1963 album, but still one of the best ones.

[Lin]

Isn't this story offensive to EMT's!

BTW, how many EMT's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

[eagle19952]

If Don isn't your cup of tea just ignore him,,,,, the very fact that you're commenting on this thread indicates that you are not ignoring him contrary to what you think/say.

The world and America is upside down in trouble right now, if we can't enjoy some humor occasionally then maybe we are part of the overall problem in society, lighten up, Don is a great guy and I'd like to consider him a friend, his writings have always been entertaining to me.

Did you get your porch project completed Don?

Thank-you for your thoughts. If mine don't meet your approval...move along.
Congratulations on your clairvoyance skills.

PS their are 4-5 others whose sentiments you chose not to chastise/draw attention to..why is that ?

[luvrbus]

Don is a fanatic writer,you guys here never had a chance to read Sonnie Grays eulogy Don wrote.it is private or I would post it here, it's hard to describe in words without reading  but it is a amazing sincere writing about a dear departed friend of ours   

[DoubleEagle]

Isn't this story offensive to EMT's!

BTW, how many EMT's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, one to hold the bulb, and two to turn the ladder! 

[eagle19952]

Don is a fanatic writer,you guys here never had a chance to read Sonnie Grays eulogy Don wrote.it is private or I would post it here, it's hard to describe in words without reading  but it is a amazing sincere writing about a dear departed friend of ours   

I am sure he has put his talent to many good uses.