O/T OFF TOPIC SUBJECTS

[JackConrad]

I think it all starts with laying a tool down and forgetting where you laid it!  Yikes, I think I am getting it.  Jack

[Ace]

Well I was victim to the recent pet food recall. I had to make the sad decision to put another pet to rest this morning because of kidney failure that was caused by the food she has eaten for many years. Didn't know about the recall until Sunday but Saturday we took our cat Gertrude in to the vet because she wasn't eating and losing weight fast. She got worse over the weekend while under treatment at the vets so I had to make the dreaded choice once again this morning. She was very healthy for her age but suddenly became really ill (over night) and we all wondered why! We thought it was strange but now we know! The food that she was eating came back on the recall list with the same date, flavor, sku numbers etc. but what good is a recall if it's too late? The damage is done! The vet originally thought that someone like a neighbor may have left out anti freeze and she got into it but the timing is right for the food and besides there isn't much anti freeze left out down here anywhere. He said the AF would react and do the same type damage and just as quick!

Problem is too that there are a LOT of brands (Name Brands) of pet foods that are on the list. In fact, some of the food that I had bought for Bud as a treat is on the list. Thank God I hadn't given him any yet!

Oh well, that's life I guess! It just doesn't seem fair some times!

Ace

[Chaz]

That sucks Ace. Sorry to hear that. I am a big pet fan and know what they become to a family.

  Sorry for your loss. I couldn't do as well.
    Chaz

[oldmansax]

Ace, I am sorry about your pet. We have only one cat and we were using the food  that was recalled. We switched to another brand last month and our cat was spared but it does make you wonder how to prevent these things from happening altogether. It is my understanding that they still don't know what's wrong.

[Paso One]

Sorry to hear that Ace what a downer.. ...Glad you caught Bud"S treats

[Old4103]

Damn, Ace.

I really hate to hear that. It seems as if just when your starting to get up again, things kick you in the belly.

Cat's and my thoughts are with you, Susan and Bud.

Dallas

[jjrbus]

 It is scarry that somedays I am one of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lee Bradley]

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:



"Please note that this Bank is installing

new Drive-through ATM



machines enabling customers to withdraw cash

without leaving their   vehicles. 

Customers using this new facility are

requested to use the procedures outlined below

when accessing their accounts.





After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE

procedures have been developed.





Please follow the appropriate steps for your  gender."





MALE PROCEDURE:



1. Drive up to the cash machine.



2. Put down your car window.



3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.



4. Enter amount of cash required and  withdraw.



5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.



6. Put window up.



7. Drive off.











**********************************************





FEMALE PROCEDURE:





1. Drive up to cash machine.



2. Reverse and back up the required

amount to align car window with the

machine.





3. Set parking brake, put the window down.



4. Find handbag, remove all contents

on to passenger seat to locate card.



5. Tell person on cell phone you will

call them back and hang up.



6. Attempt to insert card into machine.



7. Open car door to allow easier

access to machine due to its

excessive distance from the car.



8. Insert card.



9. Re-insert card the right way.



10. Dig through handbag to find diary

with your PIN written on the inside

back page.



11. Enter PIN.



12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.



13. Enter amount of cash required.



14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.



15. Retrieve cash and receipt.



16. Empty handbag again to locate

wallet and place cash inside.



17. Write debit amount in check

register and place receipt in back of

checkbook.



18. Re-check makeup.



19. Drive forward 2 feet.



20. Reverse back to cash machine.



21. Retrieve card.



22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card

holder, and place card into the slot

provided!



23. Give dirty look to irate male driver

waiting behind you.



24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.



25. Redial person on cell phone.



26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.



27. Release Parking Brake.

[pete81eaglefanasty]

Ace and Susan,

Sorry to hear about your cat,  we have had pets all our married life and its hard to lose a pet when you have no control.  We put so much trust in our food and our pets food that we never think it will hurt us or them.  Sorry again for your loss.


           Pete & Jean
             Fantasy

[kyle4501]

Subject: 6th grade science teacher

 

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open, then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say to you:

One, you have a dirty mind, 

Two, you didn't read your homework, and 

Three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.

[Lee Bradley]

Dumb Luck

Peter Sharpe stomped on the gas, flying through the intersection against the red light, narrowly escaping being hit by two oncoming cars. He laughed maniacally and blasted his horn in defiance at the squad car trapped in the melee of confusion resulting from his foolhardy maneuver. What did he care? He had left an ugly trail of similar disasters in his race across town as he sped with single-minded determination toward his destination. Behind him lay a grab-bag of narrow misses, mangled autos, and disorder. Cause and effect? – he sneered in derision – cause and effect was the religion of losers. He had "The Luck."
It wasn't that Peter didn't believe in cause and effect, but he believed in "The Luck" even more. Look, he reasoned, let's say a person slipped on the ice and fell on their bum – cause and effect, right? Sure. But wait, sometimes, many times, a person slips on the ice and doesn't fall – cause, but no effect – why? Because of luck, my friend, because of luck.
Luck flies around like a guardian angel, or prowls about like a ravenous lion, and tips the scales of all interaction according to its wishes. Or maybe it just flops around erratically, like a fish on the boat bottom, and dispenses its influence willy-nilly. Either way, it can override the law of cause and effect and sway the result of any action. Luck, baby.
"If I had taken one more step..."
"If they had left on time..."
"If it hadn't of been for that passer-by..."
Luck, baby, luck.
Furthermore, reasoned Peter, there were major and minor deities at work. Good luck, bad luck, beginner's luck, bum luck, dumb luck, and so on, and so on, but the Grand Lady of them all was "The Luck."
The minor lucks were fleeting occurrences, like spotty rainfall – blip, a drop here, sploink, a drip there, they descend, they influence, they are gone – but The Grand Lady, oh The Grand Lady, she had staying power. She might bless for hours. Days, sometimes. And she could not be denied.
Peter had prepared his whole life for an encounter with "The Luck." He never entered contests, he never took a bet, he drove cautiously and defensively, he married an average woman and had only his allotted 1.3 children, he always finished in the 50% bracket– he did nothing to attract the attention of the minor deities. He stacked the deck. He laid a trap. He created a "luck void". And he waited.
72 years.
Then, on June 21, a Saturday afternoon, The Grand Lady, "The Luck" descended upon Peter like sunshine with gossamer wings, and lightly, like the soft gentle breathing of a sleeping kitten, settled upon his shoulders, and with a breath scented with heavenly fragrance and sweet surrender, whispered oh, so faintly in his right ear,
"Let'er buck!"
Peter sprang into action. He shot out of his Lazy boy and careened through the house like a cat on steroids, snatching up his "Grand Lady Visitation Emergency Packet" as he went. He had practiced in the dark, he had practiced in the rain, he had practiced in the snow and the heat and the wind, and today it paid off. His best time to date had been 13.5; today he made it to his car in twelve seconds flat. He turned the key, hit the gas and was rocketing down the road before his Lazy boy knew he was gone.
Peter raced toward the Casino looking neither to the left nor the right, unconcerned with the traffic or the lights. He knew he was graced with "The Luck" and nothing could hinder him. He was in a bubble. He was protected. He had "The Luck." He was breathing luck, he was oozing luck from his pores, it was shooting out of his eyes, it was coursing through his veins, and when he got to the Casino it would make him filthy rich.
Filthy rich.
It was Peter's lucky day.
When Peter got to the Casino there was an empty parking spot right up front.
Of course.
As Peter ran into the Casino he found a hundred dollar bill lying on the rug in the lobby.
Of course.
He didn't even pick it up.
Just as Peter approached the roulette table someone vacated a spot. Need I say it?
Of course.
Peter sat down at the table and opened his "Grand Lady Emergency Visitation Packet" and emptied its contents into his open palm. A five dollar bill. People snickered as he bought his chip and placed his bet.
Thirty-seven and two thirds minutes later Peter was filthy rich.
People stood with their mouths open.
Spangled-up ladies fought to stand by his side.
There was a little charred spot under the ball on the roulette wheel and the ball was still smoking.
Peter was elated. He had waited so long, planned so carefully, stood faithful and true and now he was vindicated. He began to laugh. Lightly, quietly at first, then louder and louder with gusto and abandon. Tears streamed down his cheeks, his shoulders shook and his legs grew weak. Soon everyone about joined in. They laughed till they cried. They whooped, they shouted, they pounded each others backs and slapped their knees. They pointed at the smoking ball and then at Peter then choked and gasped for breath and howled some more. Peter sat upon the table and held his aching sides.
Oh, "The Luck", "The Luck"! He was rich!
Then suddenly he clutched his chest.
Heart attack!
He peered over the heads of the crowd through the smoke and the haze and the glare of the house lights and saw an apparition approaching, dark and foreboding.
As the icy fingers of pain squeezed and clawed at his heart, Peter watched "The Luck" rise and depart from his shoulder.
Seems even The Grand Lady must step aside when "Your Time" comes.

[DrivingMissLazy]

A place to accumulate the various off topic subjects that some love and some hate. Maybe we can keep them all together in one place.

[Ace]

Personally I think this idea SUCKS!

If you don't want to read something don't! It's that simple! Most everyone will read everything no matter where it's at, YOU included, so WHY mix it all together?

If you read what the heading says, and I quote,

"All Topics ( click here for quick start! )
Feel free to talk about anything and everything in this board,"

then we should be able to post WHAT we want. Just because it doesn't fit into what YOU want to read, you want to put it where it's mixed in with the daily jokes and other non essential BS? That in itself IS a joke!

If your going to do what has been done then change the heading immediately to read

"BUS PERTAINING POSTING'S ONLY OR POST IT IN THE JUNK THREAD!

Ace

[bubbaqgal]

I totally agree with you Ace.  This will make it hard to keep up with a thread about any OT subject.  Any topic I don't feel interests me, I simply use common sense and don't read.  I think most of the people on this board are smart enough to avoid any topic they don't want to read. If they don't like OT subjects, then simply ignore them.  Cat

PS:  I am so very sorry about Gertrude.  You guys will continue to be in our thoughts.

[HighTechRedneck]

I'm with Ace and Bubbagal on this.

Consider the posts that are all mixed in this thread so far.  Jokes, philosophy, expression of loss and the responding condolences.  All mixed together.  IMHO, "off topic" is a category, not a thread.  It has been discussed and dismissed before, but I repeat, if off topic discussions are so aggravating as to necessitate action, then why not just create a new forum section.  I am not familiar with the administration of  Simple Machines forum software, but on most board softwares, it is extremely simple to create a new section.

I really feel for Ace, first in his loss and then when he shares it with his friends here, it got stuck in with jokes.