A little humor sent to me by my mom! LOL!

[Busted Knuckle]

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,"

said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy,
"you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to
walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the
fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.



At last they heard.....

"One for you, one for me that's all. Now let's go get those
nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike. 

[Busted Knuckle]

To quote Bill Murray "Something is VERY, VERY WROOONG HERE!"


A conversation between a Customer and Bank of America Bank:


The Bank: Bank of America, can I help you?

Customer: Yes, I want to cancel my account. I don't want to do business with you any longer.

The Bank: Why?

Customer: You're giving credit to illegal immigrants and I don't think it's right. I'm taking my business elsewhere.

The Bank: Well, Mr. Customer, we don't want to see you do that, but we can't stop you. I'll help you close the account. What is your account number?

Customer: (gives account number)

The Bank: For security purposes and for your protection, can you please give me the last four digits of your social security number?

Customer: No?

The Bank: Mr. Customer, I need to verify your information, but in order to help you, I'll need verification of who you are.


Customer: Why should I give you my social security number? The reason I'm closing my account is that your bank is issuing credit cards to illegal immigrants who don't have social security numbers. You are targeting that audience and want their business. Let's say I'm an illegal immigrant and you've given me a credit card. I have a question about it and call for assistance. You wouldn't be asking me for a Social Security number, would you?

The Bank: No sir, I wouldn't.

Customer: Why not?

The Bank: Because you would have pressed '2' to speak in Spanish. We don't ask for that information when calling in on the Spanish line.


The worst part is it's probably true, said but true!   BK 

[Busted Knuckle]

Wish I were.........................




Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y'all come back, now, heah?

The North has Bloomingdale's; The South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses; The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services; The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

North has Cream of Wheat; The South has grits.

The North has green salads; The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters; The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt; The South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . . In the South:--If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.  Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.  They can't understand you either.  The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that 'He needed killin.' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local Wal-Mart. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.

Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

Amen, and just remember if ya is a Yankee from up north by all means come down an enjoy GOD'S COUNTRY down here in Tennessee. But when it's time to go home it's time to go home!
'Cause down here a Damn Yankee is one who came down, and won't go home! An if'n ya does move down here, have children, and raise 'm here don't expect that we'll automatically except them as southern. After all if the cat had kittens in the old oven on the back porch, ya wouldn't call 'm KITTENS would ya?

[Busted Knuckle]

. . . Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida . .

Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It's a win-win situation.
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
+ Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?

[Busted Knuckle]

> My neighbor Sam was in trouble again. This time for forgetting his wedding
anniversary.
> His wife was really angry. She told him 'Tomorrow morning I expect to find a
gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT
BETTER BE THERE!!'
>
> The next morning Sam got up and left the house very early. When his wife woke
up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a lovely gift-wrapped box
in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, went out to
the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a
brand new bathroom scale.
> Sam has been missing since Friday . Please pray for him

[Busted Knuckle]

Children in Church
 
3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And if you don't send this to at least 8 people ----- who cares?!
Peace, love and happiness

[jackhartjr]

Bryce, check this out.  Comes right from truthorfiction.com

What I do not know is if the conversation went like that or not.  They usually are better about explaining those things.
Jack

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/b/bofa-creditcards.htm

[pipes]

Wow is right!!!

Subject: WOW ! ! ! ! ! ! !




If this doesn't open your eyes... Nothing will!
 

From the L.A. Times
  1 40% of all workers in L.A. County ( L.A. County has 10.2 million people) are working for
Cash and not paying taxes. This is because they are predominantly illegal immigrants
Working without a green card.
   2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens. !
  3.  75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens
! 
  4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien Mexicans on
     Medi-   Cal , whose births were paid for by taxpayers.
  5. Nearly 25% of all inmates in California detention centers are Mexican
      Nationals here illegally.
  6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.
  7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles are most likely
      Illegal aliens from south of the border.
  8. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
  9. 21 radio stations in L.A. Are Spanish speaking.
  10. In L.A. County 5.1 million people speak English,  3.9 million speak Spanish.
       (There are 10.2 million people in L.A. County ).
  (All of the above are from the Los Angeles Times)
  Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare.
Over 70% of the United States ' annual population growth 
(and over 90% of California , Florida , and New York )
Results from immigration.
29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.       
We are a bunch of fools for letting this continue.
WHY CAN'T WE SEND THEM HOME
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
 
Send copies of this letter to at least two other people   100 would be even better. 
UNITED WE STAND - GOD BLESS AMERICA



Make it an awesome day.

[Dale MC8]

Check this last one out on snopes.com You may find that it is in the right place, on a humor page,
Just FYI
Dale MC8

[JohnEd]

Dale,

Thank you for referencing the "SNOPES.COM" web site.  That is some rich reading.  I heard long ago a Stalin quote that you should tell a HUGE LIE as they would be more sensationalized, spread quicker and ultimately be more believed.  What guidence!

Current trend is that we cannot afford the  freedoms guaranteed in the constitution and still protect ourselves from TERROISM.  Following that logic it seem that the TERRORISTS have won.

Hope you have more to share, Dale.


BK, that stuff is priceless...Thankx

John

[pipes]

OOPs sorry 'bout the phoney......Info?

BUT something like this is happening NOW..
Also a Chinese JUNK is/was refered to a particular type of BOAT.
                                    Now, it is what we buy in most stores.

My opinion is, if the above situations...(and other Milarkey) this country is going down the drain BIGTIME.

SEMPER FIDELIS....Ken Turner