Joke of the year OT

[DrivingMissLazy]

 


Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.  I soon noticed the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity, applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Golfing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.  I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.  Please help!

Thanks,

Troubled User

_____________________________________
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a utilities and entertainment program.  Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!  It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0.  It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.  Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support .  I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.  I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE!, because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.  Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs.  Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.  Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.  I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!  DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Cute Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.  This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

[skihor]

My Grandpa was a bus driver.
When I die I want to go quietly, in my sleep, like my Grandpa did...
Not screaming like the rest of the passengers in the bus... 

Don & Sheila

[FloridaCliff]

Don,

I have heard that one before, But I still laugh every time   

Cliff

[rayshound]

Subject: Iit takes a professional


A father walks into a bookstore with his young son.  The boy is holding a quarter.  Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.  At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.  After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches it in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.  Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied, ........  "Divorce attorney"

[JackConrad]

Speaking of choking: A woman sitting at a bar chokes on a piece of popcorn.  A redneck sees her choking, runs over, pulls down her pants and licks her butt. The lady gasps and starts breathing.  The rednecks buddy looks at him and ask "where did you learn that?  The redneck replied "Ain't you never hear of that there Hinny Lick Maneuver?"