One more reason to be a busnut

[brojcol]

We were travelling home a few weeks ago to bury a very close family friend who died in a horrible farming accident.  Me, my wife and our four year old son.  He had helped me frame out the interior of my bus, which he called "our bus".  Jim was an awesome guy who never spoke unless he had something to say and I never heard him say an unkind word about anyone.  I was supposed to preach his funeral, which was one of the most difficult things I'd ever done. 

The irony of this is that he was killed on a Saturday evening.  That very day, I had sold my bus.  Before the buyer drove off in it, I took one last walkthrough.  I thought about Jim and said to myself, "I need to call him and let him know that I sold 'our bus'.  As soon as I landed back in Baltimore, I checked my cell phone messages and discovered that Jim had been killed.  My wife and son met me at the airport and we boarded the next flight back to Mississippi.   

My son was playing an electronic game and just before we landed, the stewardess instructed us to turn it off, which we did.  My son didn't like this and began to protest.  It was late and he was cranky.  This older woman sitting across from us, after making disparaging comments to the stewardess and others, rudely turned around and demanded, "is he sick or something?"  To which I replied, without thinking, "NO, he's not sick, he has autism, but thank you for asking!"  This was something we had just learned a few weeks earlier and the sting of it was still fresh.  Heartbroken and overwhelmed, my wife began to silently cry and at that moment, I believe I could have punched out the next person that looked at me.

This obliviot then demanded that the stewardess give her a phone number to call so she could "complain" and get her money back for the flight.  We do the best we can with what we've been given. 

Don't it just feel awesome whenever "perfect" people want to offer their advice or comments.

I have always been a people person.  Everyone who knows me knows that I am kind and friendly and people say that I don't meet a stranger.  But here lately, I'm finding more and more that I just don't like being around a bunch of people much anymore.  I'm becoming more and more withdrawn and jaded with folks.  Is it me, or is it a sign of the times?

Oh, and then there's all these terrorists.  Am I a bad person that I don't want to 'understand' them, I just want them dead before they have a chance to get me?  I have studied history and consider myself a history buff.  I don't recall anyone from the WWII era wanting to 'understand' the Japanese after Pearl Harbor.  Nor do I remember our country taking the blame for Nazi atrocities because we were "too imperialistic". 

Maybe it's just me.

Jimmy

[Devin & Amy]

Jimmy,

I am sorry for your loss.

Jimmy wrote,
"I have always been a people person.  Everyone who knows me knows that I am kind and friendly and people say that I don't meet a stranger.  But here lately, I'm finding more and more that I just don't like being around a bunch of people much anymore.  I'm becoming more and more withdrawn and jaded with folks.  Is it me, or is it a sign of the times?"

I too have this outlook, but people have been making it difficult of late. My daughter is/was Guatemalan, and the people here in the northcountry think she is an American Indian we "saved". They look at us as sideways, don't really talk to us, move away from us, and so on. If they do speak to us they want to know where she comes from. I shouldn't have to explain where my daughter comes from, should I.?

Anyway I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you can find the resources in your area to help your son. If you need help in locating some, then let me know. I have a good friend in the AR school system who works with Autistic kids.

Devin

I

[brojcol]

Thanks Devin;

God has blessed us with the resources to deal with this and he will get the best care we can give him.  He just turned 5 last week and still doesn't speak in sentences.  He doesn't answer questions and when he does communicate, he quotes from lines from cartoons or DVDs or songs.  In some ways he's a genius.  We can read a book to him once and he will almost have it memorized.  He can recognize and tell you who all the presidents are from their pictures (we have a book that he and I look at every night).  And, he's a lot of fun to be with!  A great kid and one we waited on for quite a few years. 

I understand your frustration with having to answer questions.  I hate that crap.  Well meaning family members try to diagnose him, or say things like, "there's nothing wrong with him, he'll catch up on his own"...  It's frustrating and makes me not want to answer my phone sometimes because usually someone wants to know "how's Jonah doing..." as if he has a cold...or they want to tell you about some new article they read or something they saw on TV. 

To tell you the truth, this is the first time I've spoken openly about it since we found out about it three months ago.  Something about this board, I guess.

[HighTechRedneck]

My sympathies go out to you in the loss of your friend.  I fully relate on the topic of well meaning people asking questions or offering advice without having a working knowledge of the reality of a condition.  I take care of my elderly mother who has developed a fairly strong dementia.  Her short term memory is virtually gone and her long term memories dislodge from their proper place in time and seem to her as current events.  Well meaning people continually ask if she's doing better or share news articles they have seen.  It can be frustrating and takes a lot of will power not to be rude sometimes.

Mom's condition is actually one of the driving forces behind my decision to do this conversion.  We want to travel to see family and friends while she can.  One of the triggers that aggravates her condition is unfamiliar surroundings.  My intention is to create a home away from home that will be consistent as we travel and that is made up of elements of our home decor so that it will be more familiar.  It won't be fancy, but it will be home when we are on the road.  She will be able to sleep in a familiar bed and be in a familiar home setting where ever we go.

[Clarke Echols]

When I was in high school, we had a saying, when referring to someone lacking in fundamental
good sense: "When he (she) was in heaven before he was born and the Lord was handing out
brains, he thought he said 'trains' and said he didn't want any."

Thomas Edison said, "Five percent of the people actually think.  Ten percent think they think,
and the other eighty-five percent would rather *die* than think."

One of the big ills in our society is what I call "false pride".  People who live in fancier houses,
wear "nicer" clothes, drive fancier cars, or make more money think they are "better" than the
rest of us.  My wife and I raised nine kids.  Good kids.  Kind kids.  Responsible kids.  We didn't
have a lot -- it took all of my income to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table,
and even an engineer's salary was stretched tight.  One day a friend told me one of the things
he like about me was my open-ness and that I didn't need to impress others with a fancy
car.  Truth is, we couldn't afford one. :-)

I've learned some things going through life.  You aren't prepared to succeed in life until you
reach the point where you don't care what other people think [about you, or most anything
else, for that matter].  The good news is they don't (see Edison quote).  They're so busy
worrying about what other people think (about them) that they don't have time to think
about you.

Some go around with a chip on their shoulder, looking for something to complain about so
they can get a free ride (as in the passenger seeking a refund).  I have something to say
to such people:  GROW UP!

We live in a society that worships celebrity.  What sane individual cares two hoots in the
Proverbial Place what Mel Gibson said while enibriated.  They're complaining to High Heaven
about Mel Gibson being anti-Semite, but not one peep about some goon who shoots up
a bunch of Jews in Seattle.  I take solace in the fact that these people are not accidental
descendents from monkeys who somehow evolved from some Big Bang nobody knows
anything about (what happened 1 second before the bang that led to it happening?  I'm
a physicist according to my college transcripts -- got an extended major in physics, and
all effects must have a cause.  So what caused the big bang?  Inquiring minds want to
know).  They are created beings, and they are accountable to their creator for how they
act, how they treat others, and what they do in or with their lives.  Judgment Day is
coming for all of us, and our Creator is keeping score -- very carefully.

Scripture says of such "intellectuals": "They are learned, and therefore *think* they are
wise."

Others fought and died that we might enjoy our precious liberties.  Self-centered boors
among us are so "concerned" about their alleged rights to offend the rest of us who might
have a modicum of good sense that they hire arrays of lawyers to prevent any possibility that
our values might be visible in public where they can possibly be "offended".  They are
oblivious to the offenses they raise against the rest of us.  They need to grow up and get
over it.  They are nothing more that spoiled little brats who never had any big responsibilities.
Or they have such poor self worth that they must look down their snoot at someone else
in order to feel significant.

They seek status, not realizing that "Status" is: Buying things you don't need with money
you don't have to impress people you don't like.

They talk of "rights", but you'll never hear one speak of responsibility.  They talk about "diversity"
being a virtue, but only in the direction of you tolerating their being diverse.  So why not give
them an opportunity to practice what they preach.  Talk's cheap.

My approach:  Feel sorry for the oafs.  Know that they will wish they could fade into oblivion
and cease to exist when they stand before God and their life is portrayed before them in a
public setting and they see what they really were.  It is never wrong to be kind to the down-
trodden, homeless, disabled, and needy.  When I hear people talk about "government should
do something about the homeless", I simply ask them how many homeless people or families
they have taken into their abode.  We have a homeless guy living with us now.  It's been a
marvelous experience.  He knew Walt Disney, Howard Hughes, J. Paul Getty, and numerous
movies stars from decades ago.  He knew Ansel Adams.  A few years ago he was relatively
wealthy, then he was in a very serious car wreck.  A 17-year-old kid stole his dad's 1-ton pickup and
went for a ride (no license), ran a stop sign as he passed two stopped cars, and blasted into
the side of the small car our friend was driving.  Two months later he woke up from a coma,
totally disabled.  His employees had disposed of nearly everything he had, cleaned out his
bank account, bilked his partner out of several hundred thousand dollars, conned some of the
partner's friends out of a few million more, and skipped the country to eastern Europe (Latvia?)
and disappeared.  Crap happens.  Yet he has never said an unkind word about any of them in
the several months he has been in our home.  He is in constant pain but never complains.
He is generous to a fault.  He is a positive influence on our grandson who also lives with us,
and he is a really good person.

I would far rather be bilked out of a few bucks by helping someone in need than to stand before
my Creator and expect generosity from Him when I have been self-centered and selfish toward
others.

Life is not about what you get.  It is about what you become through learning to give.

Life is not about "rights".  It is about "responsibility", and that is something you don't learn
from bust-em-up "action" TV shows, below-the-belt "humor" sometimes called "comedy",
stupid soap operas, public agony over Princess Diana's affairs or which movie star is bedding
what starlet or whether fooling around with an intern is an impeachable offense.

It's time Americans set some standards for personal behavior, followed those standards in their
own lives, and demanded it of public figures who represent them in government and elsewhere.
But in a society that can't figure out it takes a married father and mother to form a family,
commitment through the tough times to make a marriage work and stay together, that
principles do matter, and there are absolutes of right and wrong -- if people don't understand
that and live accordingly, not only are they boors, they put their own freedoms and those of
the rest of us in peril.

There are thugs and evil forces at work in the world that would take all that away from us.  If
we aren't willing to stand up and defend those principles, then how can we say we deserve
more than the slavery that will surely come if we don't repent of the evil we have created?

It is heartening that there are still responsible people among us, and the gang on this board
are a great bunch!

Clarke

[FloridaCliff]

Jimmy,

Sorry about the loss of you Friend.

And hey, its not just you.

There is NO accounting for the poor manners and public outbursts displayed by many, but the truth is they really are the minority.

They just stand out more. 

As the Father of a 10 and 5 year old you know my thoughts and prayers are with You and your family on dealing with any of the issues that you may face  with your Son, now and in the future. 

But having two loving and understanding parents is half the battle, and I think he's got that one covered

Cliff 

[Christyhicks]

I few comments in another direction. . . I know you're frustrated right now, but that's because you've suffered loss. . .a couple at once.  Of course you love and adore your child, but the reality is that a diagnosis such as this is temporarily, and I do mean TEMPORARILY, accompanied by loss.  Everyone wants the best for their children, they picture the future, and that future doesn't usually include specialized training and the special efforts it will require on your part to help him progress far enough to "survive" in the world.  There's nothing wrong with feeling that loss. . you do it, and then you put it aside and realize how lucky you are to have this little guy!  Plus, there are so many different levels of autism, that you don't really know how affected he will be.  That can't be easy for sure. 

ON THE OTHER HAND, you are very lucky to have this wonderful child and obviously already treasure his special abilities.  All of our children are blessings, and each one has their own special place in the world, you just have to ride it out and see where his takes you.  As for people who ask about him or try to "help", please understand that they really are trying to show their love and concern and really are trying to help.  They've just heard that you should talk to people who are going through difficult times, so they are trying to tell you that they are thinking about you, that they have high hopes for your and your family, even if they are so naive that they don't realize you've probably read every square inch of material on autism, including the stupid or illogical "treatments" that they may be putting forth.  People just want to help and they don't realize when they're maybe being dumb.  If they say, "What can I do to help?", they're afraid you'll say.. "Nothing." 

You see, they're just like us. . . we want to help. . .we want to find the right thing to say to you to show you that we want to "be there for you", but we're afraid we'll say the wrong thing.  You WILL feel better. . . you know what they say, "This too will pass."  We really never know where life is taking us, we just hang on for the ride.  Later, we look back and say, "Man, some of those corners were awful sharp and some of those hills were steep. . . didn't know if I was going to make it up them, and coming down was plenty scary." 

Now, as for the stupid woman on the plane. . .well, can you imagine HER LIFE?  When I have to deal with particularly difficult people, I find it easier to pity them, because to be that nasty, you must have had one MISERABLE life.  My life is great, so I'm a happy person.  Sure, some days I want to punch a few people myself. . wanted to reach through the phone yesterday and grab a guy by the neck, but, well, since that wasn't physically possible, I just made a point to prove to myself that I had more control than he did.  Sometimes I repeat, "This is only a test. . .this is only a test. . . this is only a test to see just how much I can take without losing it!" 

As for the terrorists. . well, I'm with YOU on that one.  I mean, I think we should learn everything we can about the situation, their side too, so that we can understand how they think so we can defeat them, but I can't see where it's ever a good move to give in to terrorism. 

I think that most people are good, it's just that they don't get much press!  It's not news when someone holds the door for you, but it is if they slam it on your fingers!  ha ha.  Look at all the guys on this board. . just smart, helpful, kind, thoughtful, and really intellectual guys.  I brag on this board all of the time, because I don't think I've ever been around so many great people just ready to do whatever they can for people.  They make me want to be a better person.  Pretty cool or what!  Christy Hicks

[Busted Knuckle]

Jimmy I really can't say it better than Devin, HTR, Cliff or especially Christy so, all I can say is sorry to hear about yer loss at such a already difficult time in your family's life! Things will get better, and if they don't let me know I have phone #'s of some really nasty people I used to know who do dirty deeds dirt cheap! LOL! No seriously forget ask'n for those numbers as I and everyone else already have that it will get better in time! BK

[buswarrior]

Hello Jimmy.

Research into the ongoing development of the human animal is well documented up to 21, but there has been little done to look at what happens after that.

I think we continue to change as the years go by, and getting fed up with foolishness that we had a tolerance for earlier in life is one of the things I'd love to see some more research done on.

My wife is an educational specialist for autistic kids. She and the kids are up north at the cottage for the summer and away from the computer. If you need online resources, drop me an e-mail, and I'll get you the links to the big shots you'll want to be reading. There is a ton of stuff available!

Your school board, depending on jurisdiction, may have a legislated responsibility to provide resources, but don't trust them to do it without you watching them like a hawk!!!  Common to find families that have been ripped off by local administrators not wanting their "numbers" disrupted by you.

Probably the first thing to do is find out from the higher ups, the board administrators, in writing, not the local school, what they are supposed to provide, and then make sure you get it right from the start. The early years are the time for the best intervention.

Sounds to me like you've already been doing some of the right things, if that kid can ID the presidents in a book!

With faith, and you've got it, you'll be back to...

happy coaching!
buswarrior

[brojcol]

Thanks all!  Good advice. 

It's amazing how life can be a roller coaster of emotions.  Yesterday, I was having a little pity party because an article I read put me in a foul funk.  Today, top of the world.  Some of you must've been praying yesterday.

Last night, my son said his first sentence in response to a question.  I asked him, "where's Mommie?"
Just out of the blue, he pointed to the bedroom and said, "She's in the bedroom, she's asleep."  He has never answered a question with more than one word, or to repeat the last part of your question before.  I started yelling for my wife, who was not asleep BTW, and we were both ecstatic.  Jonah looked at us like, "what's the big deal!"

So, today, CLOUD NINE.  Thanks again for all your best wishes and Christy, you're right, I think I need to cut folks a break.  We are all just fellow travellers doing the best we can.

Jimmy

[FloridaCliff]

Jimmy,

I am going to have to quit reading this board at work, if your going to make "my glasses fog up".

I have a reputation to uphold, you know!

That is really Great News!

God bless all of you!

Cliff

[Connel]

I WISH YOU ENOUGH

I wish you enough forgiveness to ease the pain
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough love to meet your needs
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough time so your daily devotions are not rushed.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joy appears much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye."
I wish you enough prayer to receive answers

I wish you enough guys and gals

Connel

[chargePlus]

Sorry I'm a bit late to this conversation. I'm just catching up on a lot of things...

Regarding the start of this thread, I am truly saddened by your loss. I know I have lost some very close relatives and it was difficult. Regarding your son's autism, I understand what it can be like from an outsider's perspective. I have a nephew who has Asperger's Syndrome. I had a challenge adjusting to him whenever he would visit. I always felt awkward, but I learned to adjust, and enjoy when he visits. I know people who don't care to adjust and have nothing polite to say. I have two wishes for them, one is that they find themselves surrounded by people who behave towards them as they behave to others, AND two, for the sense to realize it and change before it is too late.

As for the terrorists. . well, I'm with YOU on that one.  I mean, I think we should learn everything we can about the situation, their side too, so that we can understand how they think so we can defeat them, but I can't see where it's ever a good move to give in to terrorism.

One problem with terrorists is that they are living, breathing, thinking human beings. Another problem with terrorists is that they are LED by living, breathing, thinking human beings. The souls who go out and blow themselves up, or take their explosive filled cars and trucks into densely populated areas, or fly planes into buildings, actually believe that they are doing some good for their cause. Why? Because they believe their leaders. Why are their leaders doing this? Because the leaders have come to the conclusion that these kind of actions were necessitated by the (in)actions of others in power to achieve what the terrorist leaders perceive as needing to be done.

Sadly the United States has these groups, too. Some are religious in nature (think about the groups that advocated killing doctors who performed abortions) while other are ideological (think about some of the "militia" groups that advocate blowing up government facilities ). What they all have in common is a charismatic leadership that believes extreme measures are "required" to make their point heard in this era of 24/7 "news" coverage. These leaders have found willing followers and the leaders are exerting thier "power and control" over the followers to do their bidding by promising a better future. If things are bad enough, and they are truly bad in many regions of the world, the followers buy into the better future and are willing to "sacrifice" themselves in order that they might achieve that future for their families and friends.

Me? I just another chucklehead with a place to voice my opinions. What makes me better than the next guy? Who say's I'm better. I'm just another guy.

My $0.02 worth,

- John

[JerryH]

Hey Jimmy:

I am sorry to hear about your loss.  Quite the irony regarding the timing of the sale of your bus and Jim's passing.  Having not been placed in such a position requiring offering words at the funeral of a close friend, I can only imagine of reflecting and remembering the shared good times and the their wonderful qualities.

As far as your experience on the airplane.  Also sorry to hear of that ... there are plenty of ignorant people people in the world, the odds are that we'll each run into one or more of them sometime or another.  As far as whether it's you or the sign of the times?  Unfortunately, many people are too wrapped up in themselves, oblivious to others around them ... always going full speed ahead and totally self absorbed.  Even I find myself going too fast during the week, but still find it easy to be nice to others and be human. 

As far as terrorists and people who want to kill us.  Times have changed and although I have no answers with world affairs, I find solace in knowing I have a great family, surround myself with wonderful people who are my friends and ... I have a bus.    Look for (at) the good in others, believe that the ignorant ones are out numbered by the good ones, love your family, enjoy your bus and make the best of life.   Best I can do.

Jerry H